


cross my heart and hope to die

by meathermac



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Injuries, Character Study, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meathermac/pseuds/meathermac
Summary: Beverly had the lone privilege of getting to go back home for a while before they went and did some post-war reparations because it was at the end of the war against Thialah that Hardwon and Moonshine had the same unnerving realization that Beverly was still technically a high schooler. As such, they told him to get his ass back to Hillholm for a little while to pretend that things were normal for a while.It wasn't normal.
Relationships: Erlin Kindleaf/Beverly Toegold V
Comments: 11
Kudos: 67





	cross my heart and hope to die

**Author's Note:**

> it's happy i swear 
> 
> god quarantine is apparently really good for my motivation?? i need to Chill with the fics i think 
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoy!!!! lyrics and title are from ajr's "infinity"!
> 
> [spoilers for both the shadowfell saga and the chosen saga!]

_ cross my heart and hope to die _

_ stick a needle in my eye _

_ my mama says to pick the best _

_ and you’re it _

Beverly stumbles into his mom’s house after the final fight, the not-end of the world, and he collapses onto the couch. She walks in, takes one look at him, and sighs heavily. 

“You’re getting blood on the carpet,” Martha Toegold says, but she doesn’t look mad. She looks at her son and she sees the gashes on his arms and legs, she sees the tear tracks down his face, and she knows. She knows  _ everything _ , the way moms always seem to know everything, and she simply shakes her head. 

He laughs and it turns into a hacking cough halfway through. “I know, Mom.”

She tsks. “You’re gonna have to clean that up later.” 

The silence is heavy and it weighs down on both of them. Beverly can feel it more than usual. She doesn’t want him to notice how awkward it is, but they can both tell. “Bloodstains, they never come out. You gotta use lemon and seltzer. You’ll learn when you--” She stops abruptly.

“When I what, Mom?” he asks tiredly.  _ What haven’t I done already? _ he thinks. 

She just shakes her head yet again. “I was gonna say when you have your first real battle.” Martha Toegold looks at her son and she cracks the first smile she has in a long time. “Ain’t that the understatement of the year, huh, Bev?”

Beverly doesn’t laugh this time. _ First real battle _ , that is the most ridiculous thing he’s heard all year. He may be sixteen, but he’s faced more gods and devils and horrible people that he’s got the experiences of a 100-year-old crammed into a few months of his life.

“I’ll leave you be for now, sweetheart,” she says, and she crosses the room to give her son a kiss on the forehead. “Let me know if you need anything, alright?” 

She gets almost to the stairs before he croaks out, “Mom?” 

“Yes, Bev?” 

He sniffles and wipes his nose, smearing some of the ash on his face. “Where is he?” 

Martha Toegold looks at her son and she sees the boy who used to try and bring squirrels home as pets, who ran off with his friends into the glades whenever he could, who used to make her flower crowns and help her with the dishes every night, and she truly smiles. “At his grandmother’s, sweetheart. Promise me you’ll get cleaned up first, please?” 

He nods, and the heaviness vanishes. 

_ all our troubles gone _

_ like when we were young _

_ take me back to where we all began _

Beverly cleans the blood off the carpet first and then takes a shower. It’s been a long time since he’s stayed here in Hillholm, but their house is the same, strangely enough, even as the dust settles. 

He shivers when he steps outside, not because it’s cold, but because it’s warm. Beverly isn’t sure how long it’s been since he’s been warm. Not hot, just… comfortably warm. 

The sun is shining on Hillholm, which is one of the few cities left after the war, but it feels fake. Nothing feels real anymore, though, so it’s not a feeling he’s unused to. 

Beverly shoves his hands into his pockets and walks the familiar path to Erlin’s grandmother’s house. He stands awkwardly at the door for a little while before knocking. The door swings open and he only catches a blur of orange curly hair before he’s knocked flat onto the doorstep, pinned underneath his boyfriend. 

Erlin kisses him fiercely, and they’re both laughing and smiling and it feels  _ amazing. _ There is no apocalypse, there are no dead gods, there is only the two of them right here, right now.

He had the lone privilege of getting to go back home for a while before they went and did some post-war reparations because it was at the end of the war against Thialah that Hardwon and Moonshine had the same unnerving realization that Beverly was still technically a  _ high schooler _ . As such, they told him to get his ass back to Hillholm for a little while to pretend that things were normal for a while. 

It wasn’t normal. It was quiet and strange and there were so many people missing, so many faces that flashed behind Beverly’s eyes when he tried to sleep at night. He’d just gotten home today, bruised and bloodied from fighting some stupid gnomes at the edge of Hillholm that decided to jump him as he was walking home, and everything felt  _ wrong. _

But here he is, laying on the Kindleaf’s porch, and it feels a little bit less wrong. 

_ here we are again like we should have been _

_ oh my darling can i have this dance? _

Beverly sits down cross-legged on Erlin’s bed and starts messing with the sheets nervously while Erlin is laying down with his head in Bev’s lap, and both of them are uncomfortably silent. Normally they’d play video games or talk about Green Teen things, but none of this is  _ normal _ , from the little things like the length of Erlin’s hair to the big things like the fact that they’re not just best friends anymore, they’re  _ boyfriends,  _ and they just went to war. 

More importantly than the war, they’re dating now, and Beverly’s never been in a relationship before. Without all the pressure of  _ oh, we might die tomorrow  _ and all that jazz, he’s starting to think he’s not quite as good at it as he’s made himself out to be in the past. When the only people you have to compare your relationship capabilities to are Moonshine, Balnor, and  _ Hardwon _ , you might get a false sense of confidence. 

He clears his throat and says, “So did I ever get a chance to tell you about when we were in Shadowfell and we fought a kraken?” 

Erlin gasps and sits up. “Dude,  _ no! _ I’ve never even  _ seen  _ one of those, and you guys  _ fought  _ one?” He lies back down and pouts a little bit. “You guys got to fight such cool monsters.”

Beverly laughs and tangles his fingers in his boyfriend’s hair, slowly braiding and unbraiding his curls. “Well, when we were in Shadowfell we fought all kinds of crazy stuff. Shadowfell is chill now, you know, ‘cause Hardwon’s mom is the queen down there, but when we were there the first time there were  _ vampires _ and all these weird ghosts and it was so  _ creepy. _ ” 

“Hardwon’s mom is the queen of Shadowfell?” 

He nods. “We killed the old king--it was Galad Rosell, you remember him?--and we made her the queen. She’s really cool!” 

“You guys are so much  _ cooler _ than us,” Erlin scowls, and Beverly can’t help but laugh. “Don’t laugh at me, you asshole. Red and Egwene are cool and all, but I wish I’d gotten to know Moonshine and Hardwon more.” 

He blushes a little bit and smiles before saying, “They know way too much about you already.” 

Erlin narrows his eyes and gives Bev a look. “Why do they know stuff about me?” 

“C’mon, man,” Beverly replies, face heating up even more. “You know why.” 

“Mm, no, don’t think I can figure that one out by myself,” he teases softly as he sits up and leans his head against Beverly’s shoulder. “You gotta tell me.” 

“Shut up,” he mumbles. “They know stuff about you cause we spent every day together for months and I’m in love with you, stupid. I talk about the things I love.” 

Erlin presses a soft kiss to Beverly’s temple and replies, “I’m in love with you too, idiot. If it makes you feel any better, Red and Guenther and Egwene know way too much about you too.” 

“Egwene already knew way too much about me.” He sighs and gives Erlin a side-eye. “What did you tell her?” 

He shrugs innocently. “Just some of the stuff we got up to during Green Teens. We did an awful lot of sneaking off during camp-outs and stuff when we were younger.” 

“Those were the days, huh?” Beverly shakes his head and smiles at his boyfriend--his  _ best friend _ \--and it feels a little bit less wrong, yet again. 

They spend the rest of the day trading stories from their adventuring days and gossiping about their parties--though Beverly definitely wins that one, no matter how many cool things Egwene and Red have done, Moonshine’s done it all and probably has her own name for it to boot--and as the sun sets over Hillholm, both boys are sitting on the floor of Erlin’s room leaning against his bed. Beverly is content, for once in a long, long time, and he lets everything that happened and is happening fall into his peripheral, focusing just on this moment right here.

He leans into Erlin, burying his face in his neck, and lets out a happy little sigh. “I’ve missed you, you know.” 

“I’ve missed you too, Bev. Being an adventurer is cool and all, but I’d trade the past few weeks for a hundred more with you.” 

Beverly blushes and laughs. “When did you get so dang eloquent?” 

He laughs as well and nudges him with his shoulder. “I think you’ve just been spendin’ too much time around people who can’t read, dude.” 

They both collapse into giggles, and it finally feels  _ real  _ and  _ right  _ and  _ normal _ , and even though so much has changed, so much has stayed the same and one of those things is simply  _ Beverly and Erlin  _ because they’ve always been best friends, they’re just a little bit more now too. Beverly sits back up and looks at his best friend’s eyes and says, “I love you, Erlin.” 

“I love you too, Beverly.” 

And if that isn’t as right as it gets. 

_ cross my heart and hope to die _

_ since you came into my life _

_ my mama says to pick the best _

_ and you’re it _

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it!!!
> 
> as always, lichen, commerce, and scribble, and hit me up on tumblr [@mydicegotcursed] to scream about whatever strikes your fancy!
> 
> have a wonderful day!


End file.
